Three months ago, my life was utterly changed. The tornado that ripped through Tuscaloosa not only destroyed my apartment, it tore a hole in me that I couldn't even begin to attempt to fix. I didn't understand how I could get so screwed up. All I lost were material items; I didn't lose friends or family members. I felt guilty for feeling so awful.
Today, I've made a lot of progress on feeling better. I understand that it's normal for me to have such a strong emotional response, and I don't feel guilty about it. I'm finally okay with the fact that I still don't feel okay. I have far too much pride in Tuscaloosa to be normal again. That town is my home. I am and always will be a Bama girl, and that sort of pride doesn't get diminished by a tornado. If anything, it intensifies it. I want more than anything to see my town restored to it's former glory, and then some.
At the beginning of the summer, I didn't know what I wanted out of my days. For the first few weeks, I hated everything. I hated being here, I hated working, and I hated that I couldn't make any damn decisions. I didn't know why I hated all of those things, but I felt those feelings so fiercely that they consumed me.
After several weeks of this, something finally flipped. It was time to stop measuring things in loving and hating them; I needed to live life and just embrace it. You can't enjoy New York City if you have a scale of love and hate on which to measure it. You have to immerse yourself in it and let your experiences make that decision for you.
I embraced my work, and I let the team I love so dearly embrace me. I worked hard at every task I was given, and I did it with pride. I connected with other interns, and I made this experience more than I could have hoped for.
The fact that tomorrow is my last day is unreal. I came through my two interviews with glowing reviews, which will hopefully lead to a full time offer with Macy's. And honestly, I thought that's what this summer was all about. Getting that offer. But I realize it's become so much more. This summer has been a growing experience, a healing one. Rather than sit and dwell on everything going on in Tuscaloosa, and agonize over how I couldn't be there to help, I let myself be swept up by the excitement that is New York City. I sat front row at a Broadway play; I ate crazy foods I'd never tried before; I walked a billion blocks; I made friends; most of all, I enjoyed my summer.
This past Saturday, I went to Paron Fabrics for at least the third time. Each time, I bought fabric. As I browsed through the Annex, one of the women working there mentioned that I had been there the previous day. I laughed and confirmed that, and she helped me to pull together some fabrics I was interested in. I decided on two of them and brought them to the counter to be cut. I began explaining to the man cutting them about Tuscaloosa, my apartment, and how our fabric stores were not only not very good, but no longer standing. We chatted for what seemed like hours about the South, tornadoes, his experience on a steamboat in the Mississippi, and how much I loved his store. He told me to continue shopping, and that he would give me a great deal on anything I wanted. I had found a fabric in the full price section that I absolutely adored, but couldn't necessarily afford, so I asked him about it. Immediately, he gave me $5 off per yard. He cut it, added it to my pile, and told me to keep looking. We continued talking, and I ended up getting all of the fabric I wanted for my senior collection, and then some. He gave me a large discount on everything I bought, and he cut extra yardage above what I had asked for when he thought I wasn't looking.
Because of his amazing customer service, and my love of connecting with people, he has made a lifelong fan and customer out of me. He gave me his business card and made sure to write his name down. He told me if I ever needed anything in Alabama to call him up and he would ship it to me. I promised to come one more time before I go home, and I made good on that promise today after work. Though I didn't buy any more fabric, he remembered me and we got to chat for a while. If I had been too consumed in making judgments on New York, I never would have had that experience. But because I decided to embrace it, I got to meet some amazing people.
This week has dragged and flown by at the same time. I've been busy busy at work, and just getting anxious about leaving. I was finally able to finish my portfolio, and I'm actually quite proud of it. I bought Christian Lacroix notes for my team, and they loved them. It made me feel good to be able to give them something nice. I am genuinely sad to be leaving Macy's. I finally have my head in the right place about it, and I would truly be honored to receive a job offer there. And I'm still praying that somehow a position opens up in Charter Club Wovens when I graduate.
So there you have it. I got a little sappy, a little nostalgic, and a lot too wordy. But that's alright. It's been a great summer.
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