It's been almost a year since I've been back to Florida. I think last Christmas was the last time I was there. Yeah, I remember. December 15th I left Greensboro FO EVA, moved my stuff to Tuscaloosa (bless Kevin for all of his help with that) and then drove myself and Tux to Spring Hill for a few weeks at home.

Hoo ha, those were a rough few weeks. I was ridiculously depressed, had no idea what I was doing with my life, I was unemployed (unless you count my substitute teaching stint...) and probably in one of the worst places I've been in my life. I think I spent that time at home driving my parents insane and trying to concoct these grand life plans based on nothing.

A lot has changed in a year.

Today, I head home happier than I've been in a long time. I'm on my second job since moving back to Tuscaloosa, but I've loved both of them. I'm over 50 pounds lighter than I was in June, and probably 70+ pounds down from last year. I'm healthier than I've ever been, with goals that line up with the sort of life I want to live. I'm finally working on using my degree (more on that later) and not trying to make up these overwhelming schemes for my life. I'm living it for myself, for right now.

Tomorrow, I will run my first official 5K with Chris and Kathy. The Turkey Trot. The race that has beaten up my brain for the past few years. Not only that, I'm already registered for another 5k in February. I'm training with Sam twice a week, going to Hannah's fitness classes twice a week and running on the weekends. I'm eating 1700 calories a day, which I never imagined would be such a challenging feat. I'm paying attention to what I'm putting in my body and what I'm doing to it. For the first time in a long time, it matters.

I matter. I finally feel like I have some value. A year ago, it really didn't matter if I existed or not. I didn't think I was doing anything of meaning. Now, I know I'm not doing anything of real importance, but I'm living a life that is worth my time. I have really great friends, I get to do the things I want to do and I'm not overly concerned with proving myself to anyone else. God has blessed me in so many ways and it's amazing to see how He has used that year and a half of hell after graduation to transform who I am today.

It's still going to be weird running into people from high school. I don't talk to most of them anymore, and I'm really not at all the same person I was in 2008. And trying to explain to anyone how I ended up with a degree in fashion design, declined a job in NYC and ended up working at a gym in Alabama is confusing even if you've known me for all of that time. But I have to remember that there's no shame in getting lost; it's the getting lost that got me here today. Sure, I could be in New York right now if I wanted to be. But I could also be absolutely miserable. Instead, I'm in a place I like, with people I love, working on getting to where I someday hope to be.

To love God and love people to Jesus

There are a lot of people who subscribe to the notion that "you don't have to go to church every Sunday to be a good Christian." And they are absolutely right. You can cultivate your relationship with Jesus Christ totally on your own, and even share His love with others without ever setting foot inside of a church. But people who feel that way are missing out on SO much that they don't even realize.

 

I used to use that saying all the time. In college, I went to the Well fairly regularly, but I hardly ever went to church on Sundays. And even when I went to the Well, I wasn't growing. I was going for an hour and a half, listening to some loud Jesus music and an amazing speaker, then going home and letting it end there. I wasn't sharing what I was learning with others, or gaining new perspectives from other Christians. I was punching my Christian punch card and leaving it at the door.

 

I understand this idea that churches can be narrow-minded, off-putting places. I really do. There are certain beliefs in my own church that I don't necessarily agree with. But that's the beauty of it; I don't have to agree. I can go to church, learn about the way others believe and why. I can share my experiences with them, where my beliefs stem from, and we can learn from one another and grow. You are going to run into narrow-minded, off-putting people all over the place, so why would that stop you from going to church? If you go to one that doesn't welcome you, don't go back. Church is meant to be a loving place where we (as FLBC puts it) love God and love people to Jesus.

 

So like I said, you can be a Christian without going to church. You can even be a "good" Christian (whatever that means). But I think we are meant to gather together to celebrate Christ. We grow so much more than we realize when we surround ourselves with like-minded people. When we have other people who care about our walk, who are there to pray for us, to lift us up, we create this powerful community of believers that work together like a family. God is going to sustain you, but give Him the chance to work through others to do so. When He gets the opportunity to connect us, big things happen. God can move in so many more ways when we give Him the chance.