"He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

So when I said it was bedtime at 1 last night, obviously I meant 3. Oops.

Woke up this morning around 9 and refused to get out of bed. I had a million things running through my mind, and they were freaking me out, so I figured it was the perfect time to do my morning writing stuff for Tonya's class. Filled my 3 pages easily. I think it helped, honestly. I got all that crap out there, and out of my brain. I was spazzing about BFW and friends and life. Putting it someplace outside of yourself is a good start in letting go of some of it.

Soo then I met Erin at Mugshots for lunch because she has been craving fried pickles for like a week now. Haha. Got a yummy amazing salad. From there I came home to print some coupons then ran up to Hancock to get a mini quilting iron, which works like magic and presses chiffon beautifully. While there, I also picked up a can of fabric stabilizer just for the heck of it. I figured I had to explore all of my options. From there we moved on to Academy because Heather had mentioned that they sell strips of leather for restringing baseball gloves. She was right, and it is perfect!! I couldn't find it before because it's called rawhide, and I was looking for leather. Ugh, technicalities. So then I was like hm, I don't really want to go sew yet, and I kind of need some clamps. So I ran over to Home Depot and got some clamps to hold down fabric and grip stuff while I braid it. They're pretty and tiny and neon green. And REALLY strong. I accidentally clamped my finger and I thought it was going to fall off.

So anyway. I came home, tried my iron, it worked great. sweet. tried a few other ways of sewing the chiffon, still no success, so I figure what the heck and I try the stabilizer.

IT'S LIKE MAGIC. it stiffens the fabric so it won't pucker and it doesn't leave any residue. OH SWEET WONDERFUL NEWS. So I took all my pieces outside and sprayed them down and let them dry. I'm sure my neighbors thought I was crazy.

Then I brought them back in and sewed like a mad woman. I got all of the skirt panels done. YES YES YES. It was the best feeling ever. Tomorrow/Friday I'll work on the pants. OH CHIFFON, WE CAN BE FRIENDS AGAIN! It's such wonderful news.

So anway. After that Heather picked me up and we went to the Well. I'm trying really hard to go every week. The Well is a really powerful place for me. I still haven't found a church I'm totally comfortable at on Sundays, so for now The Well is my weekly plug in.

I told you last week, I gave Heather the fair warning that I may lose it since I have no control over my emotions. I gave her that same warning this week, but I felt pretty good about not losing it.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

The last song of the night was You Hold Me Now by Hillsong. It's this little diddy:

It's an amazing song. It really really is. And music has a way of intensifying my emotions anyway. SO we get a few lines in and that was all she wrote. I turned into a blubbering mess, crying and singing along. Thank goodness it's dark and loud during worship.

But anyway. Back on track. Tonight's message really really spoke to me. It was about the parable of the sower. And I feel like I'm really letting the stresses of life get in my way. I'm too consumed by everything of this world and I'm not focusing on getting my relationship right with God.

I think we've had the religion discussion here before, but I am a Christian. I believe in God, and I believe Jesus died for us. I didn't grow up in a religious house, and I didn't really go to church. I certainly didn't go to vacation bible school, Sunday school, or any of that. I started going on my own in high school, and my biggest problem is I feel lost.

I want to read the Bible, but I don't know where to begin. You can't just start at the beginning and be like BOOM I GET IT. I want someone to go through it with me and help me understand the basis of my beliefs. I want to know the stories and the parable and the gospel. It's really important to me, and I need to commit myself to doing that.

But really, where do you begin when you don't have that Sunday school background? I've done bible studies before. And they are fine, and it's a nice way to relate the different passages of the bible, but I've found most studies expect you to have a background. They don't expect a 21 year old who goes to church and claims the faith to essentially know nothing.

I'm almost embarrassed of my limited knowledge, but it's just time to admit it. I want help. I want to know where to start. And I want to make myself put God first in my life. I can't use the stresses of life as an excuse for my distance.

So there's that. I need to find a church on Sundays and I need to find a way to jump into the Bible without getting overwhelmed.

Let's see...tomorrow I have MKT300 then work til 5. oy. then I will continue to sew my little heart out.