Thursday, January 12, 2012

"Changing the plans that I’ve been setting on. I’m scared by the way that my life is getting gone."

Spent yesterday sewing. Got all of the chiffon pieces for the finale dress cut out and sewed up the top. The top went well. At 8, Heather and I went to the Well. I warned her beforehand that I have zero control over my emotions, which is extremely true these days. Sure enough, I lost it two songs in. I managed to get it back together and make it through the rest of the Well, but lost it again in the closing song. I don't know what it is about church songs that get me, but I had a near panic attack at the Christmas service back home. As I'm singing I just get these flashes of Marika and remember that I can't go visit her anymore and I just lose it.

Of course, I seem to just lose it at any point these days. It's really frustrating.

Today was my last first day of school. I had MKT300 at 9:30 with Erin. Jeremy Shelley is in my class, along with a few other players I couldn't identify. haha oops. It's cool, though. It should be an alright class. Then I worked 11-5. It wasn't bad. Graded lots of applications, did lots of budget work. Thennn I walked across the quad in the suddenly frigid air and came home. Watched Chopped, decided to do some sewing. TERRIBLE idea. Suddenly I hate everything. I mean everything. Nothing looks like me, nothing looks good even. SO I cried a little, called my mom, and decided to hang it up for the night and try again tomorrow. Oy, life. Kicking me in the face again.

SO tomorrow I will sew all day, then go to the gymnastics meet, which should be fun. Then I have lots of plans for the weekend, so I'm excited about that.

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