I miss my crappy little apartment. I miss having a huge two bedroom all to myself. I miss the fact that I had a dining room. I miss my amazing neighbors. I miss being so close to campus, yet feeling like part of a safe neighborhood community. I even miss all the stupid things that used to annoy me. I miss those stupid crank windows that never closed or opened right. I miss that damn bedroom door that wouldn't stay closed no matter how hard I slammed it. I miss the tiniest kitchen known to man. I miss the fact that I couldn't open the fridge and the oven at the same time. I still have a scar from the first time I tried to take something out from the left side of the oven. NEVER do that. Always from the right. I miss smelling Brazilian food in my front stairwell and Turkish food in my back stairwell. I miss hearing Tota watching The Office every night at midnight. I miss coming home at 2 in the morning feeling completely safe because I knew he was still awake and if I needed anything he would run out at a moment's notice.
We promised we would all get together before the end of the year. We were going to cook out and invite all the neighbors. I was going to go to Teca's recital, and they were going to come to my fashion show.
From what I recall, most of Cedar Crest Apartments withstood the tornado fairly well. The most damaged of all of them was my apartment. It's amazing what fifty year old brick buildings can take. When you looked across 15th Street towards the Cedar Crest neighborhood, our buildings were the only ones still above one level. Even Cedar Crest Square got damaged significantly. But the bricks of our buildings stayed intact. But those damn trees made a mad dash towards my windows and two of them succeeded in crashing through while the others just managed to block entrance to my front door. I still have scars on my leg from scaling the trees and power lines to get to my front door. I can't believe it's been a month. I can't believe how little I have accomplished in that month. I've been physically and mentally incapable of much of anything. I had no direction, no purpose. I have been sleeping in way too late and just kind of floating through life.
There have been a lot of other things going on as well. I'm not going to get into them, because I'm still not comfortable with things being so public, but probably soon. It's something I'd like to discuss, and something that may be worth while to talk about. But not now.
For now, I have four days until I leave for New York City. As of right now, I'll be living with Nagymama. I'm going to continue to scour craigslist for the perfect apartment, and if I find one, great. I'll move to the city. But for now, I'm saving my pennies. I want to have one hell of a senior year.
It's unreal to me that I'm about to leave. I've done nothing, and I don't feel ready. I want to go back to Tuscaloosa, and I want to go to class. I want to take finals, I want to finish my final projects, and I want to start the Fall semester the way it should be. I'm ready. I want to work my ass off in 450, make Fashion, Inc. way better, and get back to having a blast working in the CBH office.
But first, there's some things I need to do.
I need to make a big impression at Macy's. I need to prove to them that I would be a great asset when I graduate. I need to have FUN. I'm turning 21 in three weeks. I'll be in New York City for my 21st birthday. I need to enjoy it. I need to get out of my funk and have a good summer. I deserve it. We all do. I'm still sad. I'm still lost. But I have to do something productive.
I miss Cedar Crest. With all the things wrong with that apartment, I loved it. I had already renewed my lease for next year. I was planning on fixing up the windows and cleaning everything out. Instead, I'll move in to Riveredge. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place. It's close to campus, and Annie will be right across the street, with Erin right down the road. It will be nice to have friends so close.
But I'll miss having Matthew three blocks away. Hell, I'll miss Matthew in general. I won't get to call him up at midnight and demand he play with me in the snow. Now he's off in the real world doing his thing. All my senior friends are. And I miss them a lot. And I'm going to miss Tota and Teca. They were the best neighbors I could have asked for. They're going back to Brazil, and I can only hope I get to see them for a day or two in August. In August, I have to go back to a completely changed Tuscaloosa. God bless it, though, it's a positive change.
Seeing how my town has handled all of this makes me want to stay in Alabama, or at the very least the south. Sure, I need to go to NYC for a while. It's where I belong for fashion. But like I said, for a while. I have a pretty good feeling next year won't be my last one with Alabama. I think we will have lots of unfinished business to attend to.
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