It's been almost a year since I've been back to Florida. I think last Christmas was the last time I was there. Yeah, I remember. December 15th I left Greensboro FO EVA, moved my stuff to Tuscaloosa (bless Kevin for all of his help with that) and then drove myself and Tux to Spring Hill for a few weeks at home.

Hoo ha, those were a rough few weeks. I was ridiculously depressed, had no idea what I was doing with my life, I was unemployed (unless you count my substitute teaching stint...) and probably in one of the worst places I've been in my life. I think I spent that time at home driving my parents insane and trying to concoct these grand life plans based on nothing.

A lot has changed in a year.

Today, I head home happier than I've been in a long time. I'm on my second job since moving back to Tuscaloosa, but I've loved both of them. I'm over 50 pounds lighter than I was in June, and probably 70+ pounds down from last year. I'm healthier than I've ever been, with goals that line up with the sort of life I want to live. I'm finally working on using my degree (more on that later) and not trying to make up these overwhelming schemes for my life. I'm living it for myself, for right now.

Tomorrow, I will run my first official 5K with Chris and Kathy. The Turkey Trot. The race that has beaten up my brain for the past few years. Not only that, I'm already registered for another 5k in February. I'm training with Sam twice a week, going to Hannah's fitness classes twice a week and running on the weekends. I'm eating 1700 calories a day, which I never imagined would be such a challenging feat. I'm paying attention to what I'm putting in my body and what I'm doing to it. For the first time in a long time, it matters.

I matter. I finally feel like I have some value. A year ago, it really didn't matter if I existed or not. I didn't think I was doing anything of meaning. Now, I know I'm not doing anything of real importance, but I'm living a life that is worth my time. I have really great friends, I get to do the things I want to do and I'm not overly concerned with proving myself to anyone else. God has blessed me in so many ways and it's amazing to see how He has used that year and a half of hell after graduation to transform who I am today.

It's still going to be weird running into people from high school. I don't talk to most of them anymore, and I'm really not at all the same person I was in 2008. And trying to explain to anyone how I ended up with a degree in fashion design, declined a job in NYC and ended up working at a gym in Alabama is confusing even if you've known me for all of that time. But I have to remember that there's no shame in getting lost; it's the getting lost that got me here today. Sure, I could be in New York right now if I wanted to be. But I could also be absolutely miserable. Instead, I'm in a place I like, with people I love, working on getting to where I someday hope to be.