Tonight is the first night I was made to feel unsafe in my own home. And I'm angry, and unsettled, and the only way I can work through it is to write. So here we are.
Someone shined a red laser through my front windows tonight. They tracked me and Rebecca in my house with it, and when I got down on the floor they shined it through the other front window on me. It was terrifying, because I had no idea what it was or who was doing it. I moved to the back of the house, but when I came back up front they started again. I called the police, who said if it happened again they would start knocking on doors waking people up to figure out who did it.
It's very possible it was just one of the neighbor kids messing around with a toy laser. It's possible someone was just trying to be funny. But it's not okay that I had to feel that fear. That I had to feel powerless in my own home.
I'm going to do what I need to do to feel safe here; different locks, heavier curtains so people can't see in so easily, etc. But the realization of how easy it is for someone to hurt me has shaken me a good bit tonight.
There are several things about this neighborhood that are different from places I've lived in the past. For the most part, I'm surrounded by low income families. Mostly single parents, with a lot of kids that have less supervision than they should. But until tonight, I've felt welcome. And I've felt safe. I've made an effort to meet my neighbors, to let them know who I am, and that all I want to do is get to know them and love on them. And this incident reinforces my desire to really get to know them. So I know when there are people around who shouldn't be. So I know who to feel comfortable around.
Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should have just ripped the front door open and started yelling. But I was scared. Really scared. How do I know someone isn't outside my home that wants to harm me?
I don't know what I'm really supposed to take away from this evening. I've been outside since, and I really do generally feel safe here. I like my neighbors, and I feel like God can use me in this place. As I laid on the floor waiting for the cops to show up, I prayed with my mom on the phone. For God's protection, for the removal of evil from around this house. And really, that's the thing that's keeping me here and keeping me sane tonight. I'm not going to let someone scare me out of my own home. I'm not going to let someone scare me away from sharing God's love with the people around me. This is my home now, too. And I deserve to feel safe and loved and protected.
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